i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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