I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
