Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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