Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
