Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
