Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
