u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
