This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
