This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
