he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
