You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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