I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
