i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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