Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
