God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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