party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
