I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
