take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
