what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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