how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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