We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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