Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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