Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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