My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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