i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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