I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize