I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
