just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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