I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
