No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
