The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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