You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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