If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
