bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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