I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
