Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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