I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
