I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
