The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
