Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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