I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize