I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
