you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
