I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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