do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
