I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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