Whod you bang
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
