i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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