I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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