You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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