You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
