Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
