Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
