I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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