Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
