We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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