so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
