i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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