I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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