I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
