took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
