When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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