Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize