my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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