If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
