3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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