47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize