I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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