I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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