dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm passing your future prison.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
