You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
