just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
