so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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