i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
