You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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