Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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