Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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