He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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