We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
