and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
