And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
