i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
