i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
