You made me cry and you don't even care
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
