Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
