Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
