New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My penis needs a shock collar
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
