cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
