Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
