All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
