two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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