All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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