he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That reminds me...we need to get swords
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
