Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
