I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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