I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just pee around me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
