I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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