You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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