Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize