Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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