I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
