This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
