Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize